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Cascade Shores, CA — A local family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffered the loss of the family’s patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home. The senior Barstad, who was 92 years old when he passed last week, requested that he receive a full Viking burial on the water.

“Generally, the burning of bodies on an open and public water space is frowned upon,” said Nevada County Sheriff Keith Royal in a prepared press statement. “And although there are no specific laws preventing a traditional Viking funeral on Scotts Flat, you can’t just set stuff on fire and send it off into the lake. Especially things as explosive as this.”

“Yeah I was fishing,” said area handyman Hank Snow in a Scooper telephone interview. “I saw these guys lower this homemade pile of sticks down the boat launch ramp. I didn’t think much of it because, well, you know, this is Nevada County and I figured it was a back-to-nature type of thing. But when no one got on the boat and then about 200 yards out it exploded into flames, I was like, ‘holy [redacted]’ and I called 9-1-1. There was debris flying everywhere. I think I got hit with a detached finger.”

“I heard this explosion in the distance,” said Cascade Shores resident Sherry Smith. “I didn’t think much of it at first because we’re always hearing crap like that up here. You know, shotguns and whatnot. It wasn’t until I heard a thump on my metal roof. I went outside and right as I looked up, part of a leg slid down and whacked me in the head. It was pretty horrible.”

Nutso wrote:You've seen Viking Funerals?

Mikey wrote:I once sold a truck to a gentleman whose business was... "alternative" funerals. He did a lot of burials at sea, which apparently involved a terribly complex process of charting and permissions - the reason for which is that a coffin which came to rest on a transatlantic cable would eventually saw through the cable due to wave action. He had on rare occasions conducted so-called "Viking" funerals (quotes because Vikings were often buried) comprising a small model of a drakkar containing the decedent being towed, set alight, and cast free; again, however, he was very careful to obtain pyrotechnic and health/public safety permits. I think the issue with the above family is that they were handling both a corpse and explosives without any permissions or even warning the locality.

IanKennedy wrote:

Nutso wrote:You've seen Viking Funerals?

Have you not? They feature frequently in films. You can also read all about them by visiting Norway. Which I've been to quite a bit.

Besides the Vikings didn't have explosives.