They finally solved the Mexican immigration problem

[Nutso]

Steven Seagal hired to control U.S.-Mexico border

Steven Seagal has once again been hired to serve and protect, except it doesn't sound like there will be any reality show cameras following him around this time.

The "Above the Law" actor was sworn in this week as a deputy with the sheriff's office in Hudspeth County, Texas. The 59-year-old, who's no stranger to law enforcement and is also trained in Aikido, will help control the U.S.-Mexico border, according to the San Antonio Express.

The paper reports that Seagal reached out to the Hudspeth County Sheriff's Office himself about two months ago, seeking employment. Says Sheriff Arvin West, "Seagal is not in this for celebrity or publicity. He's like the rest of us that live down here; he has a sincere passion for his country and he wants to do more to help."

Although cameras captured Seagal's work as a reserve deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in Louisiana for A&E's "Steven Seagal: Lawman," it doesn't appear his full-time work with Hudspeth County's department will eventually serve as fodder for TV.

Oh sh*t!

[Mikey]

How's he going to get them all to stand still long enough to get behind them and snap their necks?

Further: has anyone seen him lately? 5 to 2 says he'll gladly look the other way for a pair of tamales.

[Nutso]

Umm. Get him fatter to the point he will fill in any gaps in the wall?

[McAvoy]

Further: has anyone seen him lately? 5 to 2 says he'll gladly look the other way for a pair of tamales.

Steven Seagal is a poor man's version of Chuck Norris.

[Mikey]

If Chuck Norris ever wore a ponytail... it would have a fist in it.

[Captain Seafort]

If Chuck Norris ever wore a ponytail... it would have a fist in it. then Sharpie would use it to lob him into next week.

Fixed.

[Mikey]

Yeah, yeah, some sergeant in the 95th Rifles isn't going to lay a hand on the Norris. I like Sean Bean and all, but Richard Sharpe wouldn't be able to to penetrate Norris' mystical force field composed of pure machismo.

[Captain Seafort]

Yeah, yeah, some sergeant in the 95th Rifles isn't going to lay a hand on the Norris.

Unfortunately for Norris, Sharpe was never a Sergeant of the 95th.

I like Sean Bean and all, but Richard Sharpe wouldn't be able to to penetrate Norris' mystical force field composed of pure machismo.

Another problem - Sean Bean's version of Sharpe was somewhat wimpier than Bernard Cornwell's version.

[Mikey]

Unfortunately for Norris, Sharpe was never a Sergeant of the 95th.

I've never read the novels; but Sharpe was a sergeant in the 95th Rifles in Portugal in the beginning of the TV series.

Another problem - Sean Bean's version of Sharpe was somewhat wimpier than Bernard Cornwell's version.

As I said, I'm not familiar with Cornwell's novels, but I'm intimately familiar with Dan Abnett's sci-fi version ( ) He may have been a nail-eating SOB, but I doubt he had the mythical aura that stems from and surrounds The Norris.

[Captain Seafort]

I've never read the novels

Explains why you think Norris has a chance.

Sharpe was a sergeant in the 95th Rifles in Portugal in the beginning of the TV series.

In the novels his career path was as follows:

Pte, 33rd Foot (West Yorks Regt)
Sgt, 33rd Foot
Ensign, 74th Foot
2nd Lt, 95th Rifles
Lt, 95th Rifles
Lt, 95th Rifles (Bvt Capt)
Lt, 95th Rifles (Bvt Maj)
Lt Col, 5th Belgian Light Dragoons (Dutch Army)

He may have been a nail-eating SOB, but I doubt he had the mythical aura that stems from and surrounds The Norris.

The Man Who Saved Wellesley's Life? The Man Who Captured the Eagle at Talavera? You're right - he had far more of an aura.

[Mikey]

You're ignoring the functional term in the phrase "mythical aura." Take a poll, and I think you'll understand exactly how pivotal that term is.

BTW, in the TV series (which I never watched to conclusion) he started as a sergeant in the 95th and was given a battlefield commission of lieutenant upon saving Wellesley's life.

[Captain Seafort]

You're ignoring the functional term in the phrase "mythical aura." Take a poll, and I think you'll understand exactly how pivotal that term is.

Last I checked "mythical" was a synonym of "non-existant". Makes Sharpie's job even easier.

BTW, in the TV series (which I never watched to conclusion) he started as a sergeant in the 95th and was given a battlefield commission of lieutenant upon saving Wellesley's life.

Yes, I know, I've seen it. As I've already pointed out, Sean Bean's Sharpe was a wuss compared to the genuine article.

[Mikey]

Last I checked "mythical" was a synonym of "non-existant".

Hmm. I suppose we can just ignore the intimation of "legendary" and "akin to divinity" when the actual definition is inconvenient, eh?

[Captain Seafort]

It's simply a matter of identifying which definition most closely fits the subject.

[Mikey]

It's simply a matter of identifying choosing to ignore which definition most closely fits the subject.

Fixed, apparently.