The Joke Thread

[mwhittington]

Ever hear of the Mexican divorce? It costs $50, and that includes the cost of the bullet and the casket.

[Mark]

[mwhittington]

Thank you, thank you.
Orlando Bloom goes to the doctor one day. "Doctor, for some strange reason, whenever I look in the mirror, I get an erection." "Well of course you do", the doc replies, "you're a pu$$y."

[Graham Kennedy]

A guy discovers his wife is cheating. He hires a professional assassin to shoot them both whilst they are in the act. Wanting to be in on the final moment, the guy goes along with the assassin as he sets up a high powered rifle in a building a few hundred yards from the guy's house. The assassin uses his high powered snope to look in through the window.

"They're there all right. Any special requests?" He asks.

"Yeah," the guy said. "Since she swore to always love me on our wedding day, I want my wife shot in her lying mouth, and I want that guy shot in the balls."

The assassin peers through his scope intently.

"You know," he said after a few minutes, "I might be able to do you a two for one deal here..."

[Sionnach Glic]

[Mark]

[Mikey]

A man comes home from work early to find his wife in bed with another man. Enranged and despondent, he pulls his revolver from his drawer and puts the barrel to his temple. The wife starts laughing hysterically.

"Shut up, b*tch!" he yells through his tears, "you're next!"

[Mark]

[mwhittington]

A highway patrolman is sitting by the side of the road when he notices a car swerving left and right out of traffic. He pulls the car over and leans down into the window to see a frantic blonde. "Thank goodness you're here", she says out of breath, " I think pine trees are trying to get me to crash into them, and I have to swerve to avoid them, but they just come out of nowhere!" The patrolman shakes his head, reaches in, and pulls the air freshener off of the rear view mirror.

[Sionnach Glic]

[stitch626]

That was a good one.

[Sonic Glitch]

I don't know if we've had this before but: Why do they fish in New England?

[Sionnach Glic]

Why?

[Sonic Glitch]

{BAD PUN ALERT}
For the halibut! (that was a favorite of my 8th grade American Cultures teacher)

[Mark]