The Joke Thread

[Mikey]

Having hung out with some extended family - as well as my sister - over the last few days reminded me of this one:

Q: What does a Jewish woman do to her a**hole every morning?
A: Kisses him, and sends him off to work.

[Tsukiyumi]

Nice.

[Lt. Staplic]

^that is an amazing emoticon. Ian, can we steal it please!

[IanKennedy]

Done

[Lt. Staplic]

thanks.

[Mark]

I liked the other one that Rochey had better



But this is cool too

[Lt. Staplic]

which one did Rochey have?

[bob]

[Sonic Glitch]

I tried looking for it but couldn't find it.

[Nickswitz]

either one gets the point across, lol

[Lt. Staplic]

lol, the second one is pretty good, I still like the one that was added.

[Foxfyre]

The 1997 nominee of the Darwin Award: Larry Walters of Los Angeles-one of the few Darwin contenders to survive his brush with fate. Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.

One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four feet across. Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground. Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six-pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun-figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend-and went back to the floating lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and provisions. Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come back down.

Things didn't quite work out that way.

When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon. He didn't level of at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet. After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours.

Then he really got in trouble.

He found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. A United pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower and described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was dispatched to investigate. LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling and the offshore breeze began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot pursuit.Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry. Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever they neared. Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew. As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.

As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."

Now believe it or not this HAPPENED but the helo part of it pushing larry farther away I think is a bit bogus as I read somewhere he landed in powerlines but surrived.

[Tsukiyumi]

Either way, it's hilarious.

The poor pilot:

" LAX control, I just flew past a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. Please advise. Over."

LAX:

" Roger that. Advise you stop eating so much acid. Over."

[Foxfyre]

yeah I can just almost hear how that radio conversation went.....

[mwhittington]

That's just hilarious! Imagine if he flew over military airspace or the White House!