www.ditl.org

Honestly, do you guys make these up, or find them in a book?

I saw a doc on TV once say he saw a large woman's notes after she had been for a gynecological exam. The guy had written "Unable to complete exam due to patient's size. Recommend trying again with a miner's lamp and a canary."

word of mouth for me

loved them...I'll have to show my dad (who is a doctor) that medical notes one.

I feel bad about laughing at that last one - but laugh I did.

Fill in the blank: "Sir Edmund Hillary was neither straight __________."

There are two muffins in an oven. the first muffin says to the other muffin "god dam its hot in here" and the other muffin said "holy shit its a talking muffin."

Reminds me of the mad cow one:

Two cows in a field, one says to the other "Are you worried about this mad cow disease?", the other says "Bugger me a talking cow!".

Two peanuts were walking in a bad part of town. One was a salted.

*************************************************************

A blonde's car stalls, so she takes it to a mechanic. After a few minutes, he gets it working perfectly. "What's the story?" she asks.

"Just crap in the carburetor," says the mechanic.

"OK," the blonde answers. "How often?"

Ouch. The peanut one was almost painful.

Mikey wrote:Two peanuts were walking in a bad part of town. One was a salted.

That's from Monty Python's "Funniest Joke in the World" sketch, isn't it?

Yes, part of the British attack.

I actually like the attempted German response:

"My dog has no nose."

"Then how does he smell?"

"Awful!"

Mikey wrote:Yes, part of the British attack.

No, actually both of those were German: "Zwei peanuts were walking down der Straße..." The British joke was only heard in its nonsensical German translation: "Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? / Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput."

You are right. I stand corrected. IIRC, the British joke could only be seen one word per person to avoid injury.

Just got this from the Finance Manager here at work!!!


The husband store
> >
> > A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a
> > woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance
> > is a description of how the store operates:
> >
> > You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value
> > of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper
> > may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to
> > the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
> >
> > So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first
> > floor the sign on the door reads:
> >
> > Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
> >
> > She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign
> > reads:
> >
> > Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
> >
> > 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
> >
> > So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
> >
> > Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
> > Looking.
> >
> > 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
> >
> >
> > She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
> >
> > Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking
> > and Help With Housework.
> >
> > 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
> >
> > Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
> >
> > Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help
> > with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
> >
> > She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the
> > sign reads:
> >
> >
> > Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
> > this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
> > women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband
> > Store.
> >
> > PLEASE NOTE:
> > To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store
> > just across the street.
> >
> > The first floor has wives that love sex.
> >
> > The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
> >
> > The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited