The Joke Thread

[Sionnach Glic]

Good one.

[Tsukiyumi]

I like that one, for sure.

[bob]

[Mark]

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
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A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
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The difference between Republicans & Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.

The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.
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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

[Lazar]

The difference between Republicans & Democrats

The Republican would give the money to his rich friends so that it would trickle down.

[Lt. Staplic]

since we're in the mood for lawyer jokes:

a man's looking through a ponshop when he finds a trophy with a rat on top. curios about the statue, the man decides to buy and and takes it up to the counter.

"How much is this?" The man asked.

"The statue's $20, but the story behind it's $100" The clerk said.

"That's okay, I'll just take the statue," the man replied thinking he could find the story on the internet.

He pays his money and walks out of the store and is walking home when he looks behind him and sees a few rats following him. he continues along not thinking anything of it until he passes another gutter and notices the number of rats doubles. This happenns a few more times as he moves from block to block until it starts to creep him out so he begins running, but the rats continue to follow him. He sees a lake over the next hill and turnes to run toward it, as the rats continue to come up out of the suers and chase him. Finally he reaches the lake where he throws the statue out into the middle of it and watches it sink. All of the rats then jump into the lake to their deaths.

The man immediately returns to the pon shop where he bought the trophey.

"Want that story now?" The clerk asks.

"No, thank you, but do you have one of those in a lawyer?"

[Sonic Glitch]

What's red and smells like blue paint?

[stitch626]

Red Paint.

[Sonic Glitch]

Red Paint.

Correct. Got it from a Mythbusters marathon on discovery channel yesterday.

[Lazar]

What's red and smells like blue paint?

You rogue! I saw that same episode and posted that same joke on another forum a few hours ago. Kari Byron is lovely, isn't she?

[Lt. Staplic]

ya I saw that. I love that show btw.

[Sonic Glitch]

What's red and smells like blue paint?

You rogue! I saw that same episode and posted that same joke on another forum a few hours ago. Kari Byron is lovely, isn't she?

Indeed.

[Graham Kennedy]

Mrs Smith's little boy, Jack, was born blind. All his life he wanted nothing more than to be able to see.

One night when he was ten, his mum comes to see him at bedtime. "Jack," she says, "tomorrow is a very special day in the year. If you pray to Jesus really, really hard tonight, there's a very good chance that he'll restore your sight while you sleep."

Little Jack is thrilled at the idea. That night he sat up half the night praying his little heart out. "Oh Jesus, pleeeeeeease let me be able to see. Pleeeeeeease..." over and over until finally, exhausted, he fell asleep.

The next morning his mum woke him up. The sleepy little boy rubbed his eyes carefully and opened them, looking at his mum so her face would be the first thing he ever saw.

"Mum!" He yelled a moment later. "I'm still blind!"

"I know!" His mum yelled back, laughing hysterically. "ARPIL FOOL!!!!"

[Mikey]

[Sionnach Glic]

Oh, man, that's bad.