Actually, the main thing that made Chesterton a Christian was not these arguments, but his search for a new philosophy; as his opinions developed, he would come up with all kinds of exciting new ideas, only to find that he had merely rediscovered an ancient Christian doctrine.
Such as?
It was this gradual sense of the rightness of Christianity, and his gradual realization of exactly how well it fit in with reality
Believe me, talking animals and world-engulfing floods have no basis in reality.
some of its doctrines that he found monstrous on closer examination seemed to fit it even better than he could ever imagine.
Such as?
For the last time; that is the Levitical law...which Christians do not follow. I agree that it sound bizarre today, which is why I don't follow it... If you want me to take you seriously, you're going to have to come up with something at the very least from another part of the Bible.
Another part of the Bible? No problem. Does the Book of Chrinicles count?
21:14 wrote:So now the LORD is about to strike your people, your sons, your wives and everything that is yours, with a heavy blow.
Why is the loving God going to kill these people? Becuase Jehoram permitted sexual promiscuity in Israel.
Hmm, though maybe Chronicles doesn't count either? What about the Psalms?
50:22 wrote:Consider this, you who forget God, or I will tear you to pieces, with none to rescue.
136:10 wrote: To him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt, His love endures forever.
137:8-9 wrote:O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us-- he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.
Well, that last one was particularly unpleasant. On to the Book of Proverbs...
13:24 wrote:He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
22:15 wrote:Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him
23:13-14 wrote:Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
20:30 wrote:Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being
29:15 wrote:The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
29:19 wrote:A servant cannot be corrected by mere words; though he understands, he will not respond.
30:17 wrote:The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures.
How nice. Anyway, let's move on to the New Testament, and see what Jesus and co think.
Let's start at the beginning, with Mathew.
5:17 wrote:Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
Hmm, seems Jesus actually doesn't have a problem with the old laws and stuff.
8:12 wrote:But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth
10:14-15 wrote:And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city
10:21 wrote:And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 wrote:Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I come not to send peace, but a sword. [what ever happend to happy hippy Jesus?]
11:20-24 wrote:Then began he to upbraid the cities wherein most of his mighty works were done, because they repented not: Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you. And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell: for if the mighty works, which have been done in thee, had been done in Sodom, it would have remained until this day. But I say unto you, That it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee.
15:4 wrote:For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
Here Jesus criticises the Pharisees for
not killing disobedient children according to the commandment: "He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death".
24:50-51 wrote:The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of, [Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!] and shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Damn, now I don't like Jesus any more.
Anyway, on to Mark.
16:16 wrote:He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.
And....that's it for Mark. He pretty much repeats what Mathew said earlier, and I see no need in repeating him. Oh, well. Onwards to Luke!
1:20 wrote:And, behold, thou shalt be dumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed, because thou believest not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season.
12:46-47 wrote:The lord of that servant will come in a day when he looketh not for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in sunder, and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.
16:19-31 wrote:Um, this is far too long to quote. Basicaly, it's about a rich man, and Lazarus. The rich man goes to hell, becuase he had a good life on Earth, and so deserves to be tormented...or something like that.
Lazarus, on the other hand, goes to heaven. Becuase his life sucked.
Somehow, this seems fair to Jesus.
17:26-27 wrote:And as it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. [Jesus seems to have no problem with God causing the largest genocide in human history]
Okay, that had a bit more content than Mark, anyway. On to the last Gospell, which is John's.
3:16 wrote:For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Okay, not particularly horrific as such, but I just thought I'd point out the absurdity of the situation. God and Jesus are pretty much the same enitiy, right? So...
God puts a curse on humanity, then sends down himself, to sacrafice himself to himself, to cconvince himself to remove the curse that he himself put on humanity in the first place.
....does no one else see a problem with this?
3:18 wrote:He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
Okay, not much in there (still more than Mark's, though. What the hell was he doing? Just coppying off of Mathew?) so we'll jump ahead to Acts.
12:23 wrote:And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost.
13:34 wrote:And as concerning that he raised him up from the dead, now no more to return to corruption, he said on this wise, I will give you the sure mercies of David.
Yeah, because massacering the inhabatints of several cities is definately mercifull.
5:1-10 wrote:Another long ramble. Basicaly, Peter scares Ananias and his wife to death for not forking over all of the money that they made when selling their land.
And so concludes Acts. Now we'll go and have a look at Romans.
1:31-32 wrote:Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
Aparently, the "crime" of homosexuality is worthy of death. How pleasant.
5:12 wrote:Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
Um, so because one guy sinned, everyone else is going to suffer for it? How is that remotely fair?
On to Corinthians 1.
10:8 wrote:Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.
10:9 wrote:Neither let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents.
10:10 wrote:Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.
The 'destroyer' mentioned above is God.
And how the heck can are you supposed to tempt Christ? Isn't he dead?
Anyway, off to the Ephesians.
1:4-5, 11 wrote:According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will.
*snippy*
In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:
Soooo, God already knows whether we're gettting into heaven or hell?
And....that's pretty much it for Ephesians. There's a bit in there about disobedient children being struck down, but I'd just be repeating myself by quoting it.
2 Peter 3:7 wrote:But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
How nice to know that I'll be burning in hell for no reason.
And now we get to the greatest mass of insanity in the Bible: Revelations. There's a lot in here about how us evil non-believers are going to burn unpleasantly, simply because we don't worship one particular god, but I'll ignore those. Otherwise, I'd be quoting the whole chapter!
1:7 wrote:Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.
2:23 wrote:And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.
7:4 wrote:And I heard the number of them which were sealed: and there were sealed an hundred and forty and four thousand of all the tribes of the children of Israel
Well, that bit sucks. It seems like only 144,000 Jews will be getting into heaven, after all.
9:4-6 wrote:And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth [how could they? God already killed the grass in 8:7.], neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads. And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man. And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.
17:17 wrote:And the ten horns which thou sawest upon the beast, these shall hate the whore, and shall make her desolate and naked, and shall eat her flesh, and burn her with fire. For God hath put in their hearts to fulfil his will, and to agree, and give their kingdom unto the beast, until the words of God shall be fulfilled.[Wait, is God telling them to eat her and then burn her?]
And so concludes my Oddysey through the Bible. And you have to admit; whether or not you're on my side of the debate, that was a lot of effort. Particularly when you take into acount the fact that I had to write it
twice.
Peabody wrote:If you want me to take you seriously, you're going to have to come up with something at the very least from another part of the Bible.
Done.
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