The Joke Thread

[Lt. Staplic]

[Tsukiyumi]

That's great.

[Mark]

I thought it was because she had Jack in her Box

[Grundig]

Oh! Mark goes for the one-two punchline!

[Mark]

www.instantrimshot.com

hehehehe

[mwhittington]

Three men die at the same time and are awaiting at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. As the first one approaches, St. Peter greets him and says, "In order to gain entrance, I must ask you one question: Have you ever been unfaithful to your wife?" "Oh, no," says the man. "I've never even looked at another woman for as long as I've been married to my wife." "Very good, and since you've never cheated on your wife, I give you this beautiful new Cadillac in which to drive around heaven." The second man approaches, and Peter asks the same question. "Well, to be honest, yes, but it was only one time, and I told my wife and begged forgiveness from her, and she took me back." "I appreciate your honesty, so you get this new Volkswagen Beetle in which to drive around heaven." Then the third man comes up, and Peter asks the question. "Yes, I just couldn't help it. It was a sickness for me. No matter how much I tried to stop cheating, I just couldn't." "Well, at least you were honest, so you get this new Schwinn bicycle in which to ride around heaven." Later on, the second and third man see the first man (with the Caddy) on the side of the road, crying his eyes out. They approach the car and lean down, asking, "What is going on, you've got the Caddy and you've never cheated on your wife!" "I know," the first man says, "but I just saw my wife go by on a single rusty roller skate!"

[Mikey]

[Mark]

I love it.

[Lt. Staplic]

[Sionnach Glic]

Nice one.

[Mark]

That one went over well at work by the way. Our finance manager had to change ties, as he snorted coffee out on the one he was wearing.

[Mark]

Entering into Heaven
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

The man says, "Methodist."

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"

"Baptist."

"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"

"Jewish."

"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"

St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

[Nickswitz]

Yeah, just so you know, Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in going to heaven. I would know, I happen to be one.
But nonetheless, kinda funny.

[Mark]

Then what do you all believe is the afterlife? I'm curious.

[Mikey]

Actually, neither do the Jews.