The Joke Thread

[Sonic Glitch]

I know, that's what makes it so funny

I suppose

[Lazar]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

[Tsukiyumi]

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

The first one turns to the other and says, " Does this taste funny to you?"

http://www.instantrimshot.com/

Saw the same commercial I did, eh?

[Lazar]

You can't have too many Jim Lehrer jokes. But seriously, I have a joke which is so epic, so earth-shattering, that it will absolutely mystify you. Do you wanna hear it?

[Tsukiyumi]

You can't have too many Jim Lehrer jokes. But seriously, I have a joke which is so epic, so earth-shattering, that it absolutely mystify you. Do you wanna hear it?

Sure, I'll bite.

Just be careful, I have a Lantern Corps ring... er, I mean mod powers now.

[Lazar]

Crocodile Dundee beats Vaclav Havel in a chess game. What does he say?



















"Checkmate, Czech mate."

[Tsukiyumi]

Crocodile Dundee beats Vaclav Havel in a chess game. What does he say?

"Checkmate, Czech mate."

Well, I asked for it.

[mwhittington]

What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?...






"Hey, watch THIS!" (no offense, Deepcrush!)

[Tsukiyumi]

What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?...






"Hey, watch THIS!" (no offense, Deepcrush!)

Funny how acceptable using "redneck" to refer to rural white Americans has become, really. Sub another group in there, and you'd easily move into the intolerant category.

Still, a good joke.

[mwhittington]

I used to live in Missouri. Close to Arkansas. Redneck capital of the world. I saw people there that make Larry the Cable Guy look like a Franciscan monk. No, I'm not kidding.

[Tsukiyumi]

...No, I'm not kidding.

I know.

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:
the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 Wheel Drive
floppies are them little ol' plactic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
* OK - ats aww-right
* cancel - hail no
* reset - awa shoot
* yes - shore
* no - Naaaa
* find - hunt-fer it
* go to - over yonder
* back - back yonder
* help - hep me out here
* stop - ternit off
* start - crank it up
* settings - sittins
* programs - stuff at does stuff
* documents - stuff I done done

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
* tiperiter - A word processor
* colering book - a graphics program
* addin mershene - calculator
* outhouse paper - notepad
* jupe-box - CD Player
* iner-net - Microsoft Explorer
* pichers - A graphics viewer
* IRS - M/S accounting software
* IRS2 - M/S accounting software with hidden files
* coon dog - American kennel club records
* fishin - Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
* NRA - National Rifle Association
* shot gun - Remington Arms price list
* riffel - Winchester price list
* pisstel - Smith and Wesson price list
* truck - Ford and Chevrolet dealers in AL by zip code
* house - Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code
* car - same as truck just need two, list in Alabama
* cuzzins - family history (usually a 3 meg file)
* tax records - usually an empty file
* shells - ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
* bud - list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
* rasin - NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race
* car 'n truck parts - nearest junk yard by zip code
* doc - veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement copy.

[Mark]

What scared me was that it actually made sense to me.

[Lt. Staplic]

that's funny.

where'd you find that?

[Tsukiyumi]

...where'd you find that?

The internet.

Seriously, I don't remember; I just looked up joke sites.

[Lt. Staplic]

I cannot get used to the new color.

Though It's easier with you than Mark....that's just a little wierd for some reason.