The Joke Thread

[Mark]

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
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Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said, 'Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?'

The lady said, 'My phone doesn't have an eleven.'
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John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

[Lt. Staplic]

[Mark]

Alas, we must keep them somewhat clean 8)

[Lt. Staplic]

look at mine and tell me that.

[Mark]

Alas, we must keep them somewhat clean 8)

You haven't seen some of mine yet

[Lt. Staplic]

pm me

[Grundig]

Aren't you all glad I necro'd this thread? 8)

[Tsukiyumi]

Aren't you all glad I necro'd this thread? 8)

Damn straight.

[Sionnach Glic]

Gotta love blonde jokes.

[stitch626]

I heard this one years ago... hope I get it right.

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M's factory?





She kept throwing out all of the W's.

[Lt. Staplic]

[Mikey]

What do you call three blondes standing in a row, with their ears touching?

A wind tunnel.

[Lt. Staplic]

check the last pg on that one.

[mwhittington]

Why do blondes love tilt steering?
More head room!

Why do blondes love sunroofs?
More leg room!

[Mark]